Since bringing home a newborn I have been stuck in this sickening loop of feeling exhausted but not being able to sleep at the same time. My anticipation of the screams and cries all hours of the day and night leaves me wound tight and unable to relax and rest when the opportunity presents itself. I find myself constantly complaining that I just need some sleep, but when I get the chance to do so I end up laying there staring at the ceiling for hours until I finally get back up and continue with my motherly duties while walking around in a zombie like state.
Last weekend I found myself childless on a Saturday. That's right, both of my children were gone to their grandparents houses. This is a rare occurrence and in my mind I kept thinking that even with them both gone I was not going to be able to rest because of my insomnia issues. I fully anticipated them both returning home on Sunday to me still exhausted and frazzled, wondering how I would survive another week and keep the house from falling apart in the process.
Instead of just sitting at home, missing my babies, Steven and I decided to go out for dinner. I think we both needed a date night at this point. The tension and arguing in this house lately has been rather intense due to a lack of sleep on both sides. We've both been grumpy and irritable most of the time and have been taking it out on each other.
Our dinner was wonderful. Drinks, appetizers and an amazing meal while watching the Alabama vs. Georgia game on a big screen television near our table. The first thing I ordered was the biggest frozen strawberry margarita they had on the menu. It had been almost 2 years since a sip of alcohol had even crossed these lips and even though I was afraid one glass would probably knock me off my ass, I went for it anyway.
By the end of the meal, the 3 shots of liquor that had been poured into my sweet concoction were working overtime. No, I didn't feel drunk or even buzzed but I did feel unusually sleepy. Not the exhausted sleepy feeling I'm used to having, but a relaxed and stress free sleepy where I just wanted to curl up with a warm blanket and a good movie.
When we were finished and had paid our bill we decided to hit one of the local Redbox kiosks on the way home since it was doubtful anything worth a damn would be on television. We grabbed a few movies we had both been wanting to watch and happily headed home, both feeling recharged and better connected.
Once home we popped in one of the movies and settled in on the couch, snuggled next to each other. I can't even remember the last time we got to do that. When pregnant we couldn't because my belly was so big and after Micah arrived there was just no opportunity to do so.
What happened next? We both watched about 20 min. of the movie we had put in and the next thing I know, I'm waking up 8 hours later to a dark and quiet house. I looked at the clock with amazement when I realized I had slept a full 8 hours without even so much as moving. That restful sleep I had been longing for since the 2nd trimester of my pregnancy with Micah had finally came and it was glorious. That one margarita provided enough incentive for my body to finally unwind a little and relax enough for insomnia to not steal my sleep from me. I felt completely recharged and ready to tackle anything motherhood could throw at me.
It is truly amazing how much a small break from your children can effect things. Instead of dreading to see them both come home the next day because I didn't have the energy to do it anymore, I had managed to take a little time for myself and was looking forward to seeing them both come through the door so I could smother them in hugs and kisses.
I guess my message here is this:
Mamas, take time for yourself. If you aren't taking care of you, how are you suppose to give your best to your children? As mothers, we give everything we have but seldom think about how it effects us. Even a few hours away can be enough to get you through when you feel like you just can't go on.
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